Haven't been blogging for half a year... Life is busy and work is hectic, lucky I have my beloved friends standing by my side and a caring, loving and understanding someone with me all these while.

Been and back from Australia since January, the workload there is really so much lesser. Documentation is only once a day, having only 4 to 6 patients to take care of... When will Singapore healthcare be able to do this. Back here in Singapore, 3 nurses to 14 to 16 patients, but there are nurses who still cannot cope, still complain of busy and tired, and then they will take MCs... Worse of all, sometimes they cant even complete their work and then pass over to the other shifts. Remember those days when nurses here was taking care of 16 patients with only 2 nurses, they still finish their work, complete their tasks before passing over. Is it because nurses nowadays are more pamper or this is the latest trend?

Infection control is giving me headache... In books and in reality is so much of difference. What books had written seems to be so difficult to fulfill in reality... Books will tell you to wear all your protective stuffs to enter a cubicle, but in reality who will do? To them, even sometimes I do find it ridiculous to do it, but no choice, if I don't do it, people will say I as infection control nurse never do it, why must they do it... Worse of all, overheard a conversation. A nurse from our ward go to my previous ward and tell the nurses there,"Do you know our ward is so troublesome, need to wear all the protective stuffs and answer a call bell, if patient ask for urinal need to degown, go and take the urinal and come back wear up those stuffs and give to the patient!" I will definitely go and tell this nurse, cant you ask someone to get the urinal for you and you wait in that cubicle for a while. Sigh...

For a friend of mine, that I always thought that you are by my side, but now it seems that you have gone and I never know how to treat you the same again. You have changed... Now you ignored me, maybe you have your own reasons, your own thinking... So be it, I wont bother you anymore.

For the one who had always been with me all these while.

Thanks for showering me with love and concern always.
Thanks for waiting for me for the 8 weeks that I was not around.
Thanks for tolerating with all my nonsenses.
Thanks for making an effort to send me to work whenever I am on night.
Thanks for making everything in our relationship possible.

You made me know that even the whole world have changed,
Your love for me will never change and I will never be alone.

I love you much!

Society Rules On; TIPPLES

A lady should never drink alone, unless of course the lady is trying to avoid sharing her fine liqueur chocolates. Then it's more than appropriate to enjoy the night bu one's self. Or the French say,"Par son individu, oh, another chocolate for moi?" Don't mind if I do.

Today is my off day... I like my schedule for these 2 weeks, because my off days are spread nicely.

Decided to go Australia for HMDP, six weeks with one year of bond. Whenever I think of the bond, I feel that I shouldn't be going again. Confused. Alot of preparation need to be done, so many documents, some more need to go to CID to get International Clearance Letter, health checkup and many more.

After back from my leave, Monday was the day I have the mood to start to work. So messy, everything in the team that I was in is so messy.

Medication problem, drug was supposed to be omitted but no one bother to ask the team Drs to discontinue it, and some people just serve it because they don't know it need to be omitted. Worse of all, now there is a 'FUNCTIONAL NURSE', is it really helpful?

Updating family members on their relatives' condition, shouldn't the team Drs make an effort to do it, especially for those difficult family. But what have all the team Drs been doing! Two cases in less than one week in the same team, same cubicle with the same team Drs.

STO due 4 days ago, no one notice, not even the team Drs. And I have to spent 45 minutes doing the STO when some stitches have already been embedded by the healing skin.

Speechless at work nowadays, where are all the standards and quality of care that I used to see when I started working. Experience kills passion, is it true?

Don't Cry...

Nice song!!! The lyrics!

也是你说 不爱我了
也是你又 出现在门口

雪花坠落 碎了一地的天空
那么痛你还走过
也许你想念我
也许你放不开手

我的温柔面对面
我们安安静静吹着风
我只想再看一次
你眼里的海市蜃楼

我爱你
丢掉了会笑的自己
用掉了所有的力气
没有关系

我并不很想听你说 对不起
可是到这里就可以
很高兴我认识过你

不哭了
我要你放心 我已经痊愈

Today is the first day I went back to work after 10 days of leave. It was such a busy day, I forgot to bring my handphone to work, I got no time to have a good dinner and I was so hungry, GASTRIC PAIN! Then after I served finish medication, I cleaned my medication trolley, I saw blood! My index finger got injured, got a cut and it was bleeding. Then I put plaster & tegederm, my usual practice. While waiting for my colleague, I removed the plaster & tegederm, my usual practice too, but blood start to flow out. It's only a small cut, but painful & bleed so much, no choice to apply the plaster till now... Urgh! Lousy day...

Tomorrow will be a better day... Because I am on night shift!

Today is the first time I went to the food court at Tampines One, never had knew that the window seat at the food court bring a nice view too. I think I grow older already, I remembered I off my mp3 when I meet my friend, but on my way to meet my other friends, I realised my mp3 is still on... OMG! Process of aging! Went to Chinatown, we walked from Bugis to Chinatown, thanks to the 2 of you who walk with me. I know is very very far. But I like the bubble tea there...

On our way back, you ask me about the future of my job, when i wanted to become a SSN, is it for me to say... Actually I had never thought of it anymore. I am numb to my job already, I cannot find back the passion that I once have, everyday I go to work I just tell myself that: As long as my patients are okay, I did my best for them, give them the best nursing care, is enought already. Even to further my studies in Masters or not, I am still in a dilema. In the past, I thought of studying till PhD but now, I want to do other things, in other line. At times, I regretted going for advanced diploma, if I don't go for that, I won't be in CGH anymore, won't be doing this job anymore...

"Elain, your blog is too emo, are you okay?" Lots of close friends have been telling me this since so many months ago. Late at night now and I still can't sleep, listening to "说好的幸福呢" and reading my own entries in my blog. Though I have been putting in alot of entries, I have not spent time reading thru. Browsing thru the entries, alot of images, memories, all came back alive.

I was once a girl, who was a princess in his eyes. Showering me with all the love that I needed. Now I am a girl, who need to be independent. Months have past, I have not learn to be independent yet, because around me I always have my closest friends. Whenever I need someone to be beside, need someone to lie on, need someone to love me, my dearest friends will always be my my side. I am still learning to be independent, learning to stand on my own, but things aren't that easy. I may look strong on the outside but because I cannot stand people who cry in front of me, so I also have learnt not to cry in front of others anymore. Except once, that one and only time I got drunk and cried. There won't be a second time, I must not get hurt again and behave that way again. But deep inside, I know I am so much more easily hurt than anyone else...

I only manage to sleep at 4am, and now 8.40am I am awake already, my hands and legs are cold. Awaken by the dream of mine, I am crazy, literally I dreamt of you and her. The distance bewteen us have not make me not to remember you but to make me miss you even more. I hate myself for doing all these. I hate myself when it come to nights, I feel so uneasy, I am not suppose to be like this, I am on leave and I must have plenty of rest. However...

YOU RUIN MY LEAVE, MY MOOD, LET ME CANNOT GO TO SLEEP. FOR SO LONG I WANTED TO HAVE A GOOD AND LONG REST, BUT I CAN'T. I AM CONFUSED NOW, YOU ARE MAKING ME CONFUSED, MAKING ME LOST MY MIND. I AM SICK, I FEEL SO HURT, SO MUCH IN PAIN, SO DEEP THAT WORDS CAN NO LONGER DESCRIBE MY UTMOST FEELING ANYMORE!

For you...

For my very very close friend,

You told me you were depressed, lost hope and don't wish to talk about it anymore. You cried yesterday, you were sad and heart broken... You said he knows I am unhappy but he doesn't knows you are unhappy. I told you he used the gift you gave to him but you don't feel anything anymore. But two days ago, you told me when he talked to you, you are happy and you started to miss him already.

I know you have feelings for him, not alittle but alot. I am not sure if he knows how you feel about him, but as a friend, a very close friend of yours whom I shared everything with you, I just want to tell you, don't be sad anymore. I am not good in words, not good in consoling people, I can only have a good pair of ears to hear what you want to say. Next thing I can assure you is that, we are just friends, though he may know that I am unhappy but I said before,I will not find someone who is the same occupation as me to be my guy. This is a fact in my life.

Please don't be sad because of him. I can feel and sense you are unhappy and really depressed about it just like when you can feel that I am not myself. If all these stuffs really make you unhappy, just don't remembered it anymore. Learn to be happy ba, I am trying too.

Thousands of loves for you...

爱情

爱情的世界应该是什么样的?
幸福的，完美的，梦幻的， 还是互相欺骗，互相隐瞒的?
这八个月, 看多了, 听多了, 自己也认识了多点事, 多点人了...

在这个世界里,
很多人渴望拥有最好的,
但却往往忘了问自己付出了多少...

反而,
伤害了, 欺骗了周围的人,
还一直认为自己是对的...