Just For You II...

I am missing him so badly.

Time seems to pass so slow without him around,
24 hours seem to be like 72 hours.
Life seems to be so monotone without his presence,
Nothing seem to interest me anymore.

I am just not myself anymore.

Just For You I...

You walk by me everyday and say hello.
Everyday you take time out to listen to me.
You talk to me, laugh with me and have fun with me.

When it ended, my whole identity is shattered.
It's like death.
What is the opposite of two?
A lonely me, a lonely you.

Well, I can talk, smile and laugh too without you.
But inside I'm hurting.
Deep down it hurts.

When I get hurt, it’s like a cut.
It will heal, but there will always be a scar.
Time goes by a lot slower when, I'm missing you.

I know pain is inevitable.
Suffering is optional.
Sadness flies away with the wings of time.
Memories are the best souvenirs.

Hoping and wishing it would make me think of you less.
But it didn't.
As all the times I could remember were, the ones when you showed me that you cared.
I didn't want to believe that you ever did.

Letting go of you is hard,
But holding on to you, whom i don't feel the same anymore is harder.
Life without you is like a broken pencil and there is no point.
Ending it is just like having the worst nightmare after the best dream.

I will not be sad for what is over.
As a best dream has always the coldest end.
The best way to mend a broken heart is time.
My heart had fought for what it wanted once.
But now my heart is having to fight to let you go.

There is nothing much sadder in this life,
than to watch you walk away.
To watch the distance between us distant,
Until there is nothing left but empty space and silence.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Don't ever give up if you still want to try.
Don't ever wipe your tears if you still want to cry.
Don't ever settle for an answer if you still want to know.
Don't ever say you don't love someone if you can't let them go.
Don't say we're not right for each other, as we're not meant for anyone else.

First & Last

For you,

Even a wake up call now is so difficult.
I know it is because of that message. You changed. You can denied but i won't sense wrong.
Thanks for telling me that you had receive that message.

From e start, e 1st day, i know we cannot be together.
And when we know each other, you have told me you still like your ex & obviously you known mine story too.
So we know clearly that we wont be ending up together.

When we are back, we went out together for a lot of times.
Maybe we are just too close, and now we realize that we are indeed too close which we are not suppose to.
From strangers to friends.
True enough, these few weeks i always have you by my side to accompany me to go wherever i want, do whatever i want & i might not be comfortable w/o you.
From the start that we had been always going out, i know it will end also.
Seriously, I had never expect anything from you.

But now, what are we... Giving a wake up call to me from you, just to make sure i wont be late is such a difficult task.
You were never like that in the past.
You will sure say you didn't changed but ask & answer yourself truthfully.
"Have you changed?"

A lot of things have been pondering in my mind but i just don't say anything.
But actions from you these days prove me to be right.
In 10 hours time, we are going to meet. I have been thinking for a very long time, should you go alone, or should we go together...
I don't know seriously, even till this minute that i am typing this at 3am, i am still thinking.

I have not been feeling well these days, even now, i hate medication & i don't eat them at all.
I am tired, i am not comfortable at all.
There are times which i want to sleep but i just cant sleep. No matter how tired i am. I just feel like nagging to you till I'm tired & sleep.
But things are no longer the same again.

Do you know, you are hurting me real bad...

Today is the 5th day.

I am trying to learn how to be alone, having nobody by my side. I wasn't alone for 7 years, even till 5 days ago. I always had someone, somebody to talk to, to lean on, to cry on, to listen to my nonsense all the while.

But till 5 days ago, I know i must learn to be alone, going back to the life that I don't even remember how I live it 7 years ago. I have colleagues, good friends, around me to accompany me wherever i want to go, accompany to do things i want to do, but I am still so uncomfortable with it.

I am not been feeling well for the past few days. I really wish to sleep at home and not go to work. But when I am at home, I am so bored, feeling so empty throughout. I don't want to be alone, so though I'm not well I'll still work. I rather keep myself busy, than wasting my time to rest at home. I will be going on leave from the 29th June to 3rd July, but most probably I'll cancel it, hope she will approve...

It happened too fast and too much happened,
When you came to realize the importance,
Being comfortable with life,
The beginning of the end has to be started...

Knowing the beginning of the end has to be started,
It shouldn't had happened,
From the start things can be controlled,
But eventually the ends still had to begin...

KISS- Because Im A Girl

The English version...

It's impossible to understand what's going through a guy's heart
You told me that you wanted me and now that I've given you everything
You tell me you're leaving
You told me that it was the first time you felt this way, and said that I was special
I believed you... And it was my happiness
You should have told me that your feelings had faded
I had no idea, and I continued to depend on you

Although I say I hate you now, I'll be missing you
Because I'm a gal to whom,love is everything...

They say when you give a guy all he wants he quickly get bored
And now I know, that's the truth
And although I tell myself, I'll never be tricked by love again
I fall in love, and my heart is broken again

You should have told me that your feelings had faded
I had no idea, and I continued to depend on you
Although I say I hate you now, I'll be missing you
Because I'm a gal to whom,love is everything...

Please don't break the hearts of girls, who will do anything for love
I didn't know that living this life, whiled being in loved would be so hard

Today we broke up,
You told me to meet someone better than you, and be happy,
You're just like all other guys,
What happened to when you told me that you loved me,
Honestly, i don't want you to be happy.
What am i going to do if you really forget about me...
I'm in so much pain, more pain than i can bare,
Because I'm still in love with you.

Please don't break the hearts of girls, who will do anything for love
I didn't know that living this life whiled being in loved would be so hard
Although I say I hate you now, I'll be missing you
Because I'm a gal to whom,love is everything...

There's someone I'm in love with,
Although i can't be with her now,
I'm still in love with her...

Saying goodbye...

It all begin somewhere. Saying goodbye to someone significant, is the beginning of something else to come. Looking back, I've come to realized that some things that are lost may never be found again. And perhaps, it's for the best interest of everyone that it can never be found. I've also learn that sometimes losing something may be the antecedent to bring something better. Something beyond what you might have pictured your life to be in future.

Its so easy to fall in love and fall out of love. The real challenge is staying in love. Like the saying goes, love is an action and not merely a word. It is not love until you given it away. Love can also hurt. If it doesn't, it probably isn't love in the first place. But the hurt that comes from love is there, so that you can find the essence of it in the process of getting over it. I've had to let go of many people in the process of trying to discover what it really means to love someone and be loved in return. And I'm still learning everyday. It hurt badly and the reality of it, is that it never really goes away. It leaves behind scars, which reminds you of them, every now and then when you look close enough. It is however, also through these tiny scars that remind us that we are who we are today because of the priceless gifts that were bestowed to us by people who carved them.

Once upon a time, I've lead a life far from perfect. Along the way i have been burnt, scarred and stabbed. But in return i have also retaliated, to keep my conscience alive. Till date, i still believed that some of them deserved it to the fullest. However to the rest, I'm just regretful things turned out the way it was. Believe me, those were purely unintentional.

To the one who once cared for me, the memories you gave make me smile even till today, thank you for giving me memories that can never be replaced. Because of you, i learn that sometimes you didn't even realize how much i love or need that person until i lose him/her. Days turned into weeks and weeks into months. I've finally learn to let go, something which i could never did even when though i was the one who pushed you away. I've come to realize that when somethings just cannot be reconciled, perhaps the only solution is to let myself diminish in the memory of the other. I've finally allowed myself to let go and not look back, hoping that you would lead a better life.

I'm now at a crossroad once again, carrying with me, not the grievances and futile hopes, but rather my invaluable lessons learn and priceless memories, i am now smiling as i choose the path. For i now know and understand that it always starts somewhere. And for me, that somewhere is, learning to let go and look forward, so that i will not allow history to repeat itself and void myself the chance of being truly at bliss. And for that, i have another person to thank. Someone who saw me through my darkened tunnel days when i lost him out of my own doing. Thank you for showing me where i am to begin, and more importantly for holding my hand and walking by my side, down the path less trodden, where i know at the end of the road even if i do not find the pot of gold, at least i still have you as a friend...

Best friends...

I really like you and it’s true.
You're so nice, and sweet, and you listen to all my problems and respond to it appropriately.

But I don't really see a relationship in our future.

It would be terrible if we let sex destroys this great friendship we have where I get everything I want and you get nothing you want.

I knew you would understand. You always do.

We're so perfect as friends, you know?

I can tell you anything, and you know you can always come to me anytime you need to hear me bitch about work or how ugly I feel.

You wouldn't want to ruin a friendship like that just so you could be my boyfriend, and have I looked at you with desire and longing in my eyes, would you? No!

Well, if we started dating, it would only complicate this wonderful friendship.

It's just… You're like my best friend, and I would hate you for changing it.

I mean, sure, we could go on some dates, maybe mess around a little, but what?

How could we ever go back to the way we were, where I take advantage of your clear attraction to me, so I can have someone at my beck and call?

That part of our friendship means so much to me.

We are just destined to be really, really good friends who only hang out when I don't have a boyfriend, but still need male attention to boost my fragile and all-consuming ego.

Anything can happen once you bring romance in. Think about how awful our last relationship was at the end, remember?

God, I would die if something like that happened to us.

I've known you so long, you're more like a brother that I've drunkenly made out with twice and never mentioned again.

It'd be way too weird.

Anyway, you would totally hate me as your girlfriend.

I'd be all needy and dramatic and slowly growing to love you.

If I was your girlfriend, I would never be able to tell you all about the other guys I date and pretend I don't see how much it crushes you.

Let's never lose that. That's what makes us really, really good friends.

Don't worry.

You're so funny and smart and amazing, any girl but me would be lucky to date you. You'll find someone, I know it.

And when you do, I'll be right by your side to suddenly become all flirty and affectionate with you in front of her, until she grows jealous and won't believe it when you say we're just friends.

But if she dumps you, that's just what we'll be.
Best friends & forever friends...

Again...

In life, it is true that we survive by remembering...
However, at times, we need to survive by forgetting...
To forget is never easy but it is something that had to be learnt...

I know i am starting to sink deeper to things that i have once promise myself...
I am not suppose to have any feelings for u...
I always thought i could do it but i might be wrong this time...

I love you alot but some words are rather left unspoken...