Haven't been blogging for half a year... Life is busy and work is hectic, lucky I have my beloved friends standing by my side and a caring, loving and understanding someone with me all these while.
Been and back from Australia since January, the workload there is really so much lesser. Documentation is only once a day, having only 4 to 6 patients to take care of... When will Singapore healthcare be able to do this. Back here in Singapore, 3 nurses to 14 to 16 patients, but there are nurses who still cannot cope, still complain of busy and tired, and then they will take MCs... Worse of all, sometimes they cant even complete their work and then pass over to the other shifts. Remember those days when nurses here was taking care of 16 patients with only 2 nurses, they still finish their work, complete their tasks before passing over. Is it because nurses nowadays are more pamper or this is the latest trend?
Infection control is giving me headache... In books and in reality is so much of difference. What books had written seems to be so difficult to fulfill in reality... Books will tell you to wear all your protective stuffs to enter a cubicle, but in reality who will do? To them, even sometimes I do find it ridiculous to do it, but no choice, if I don't do it, people will say I as infection control nurse never do it, why must they do it... Worse of all, overheard a conversation. A nurse from our ward go to my previous ward and tell the nurses there,"Do you know our ward is so troublesome, need to wear all the protective stuffs and answer a call bell, if patient ask for urinal need to degown, go and take the urinal and come back wear up those stuffs and give to the patient!" I will definitely go and tell this nurse, cant you ask someone to get the urinal for you and you wait in that cubicle for a while. Sigh...
For a friend of mine, that I always thought that you are by my side, but now it seems that you have gone and I never know how to treat you the same again. You have changed... Now you ignored me, maybe you have your own reasons, your own thinking... So be it, I wont bother you anymore.
For the one who had always been with me all these while.
Thanks for showering me with love and concern always.
Thanks for waiting for me for the 8 weeks that I was not around.
Thanks for tolerating with all my nonsenses.
Thanks for making an effort to send me to work whenever I am on night.
Thanks for making everything in our relationship possible.
You made me know that even the whole world have changed,
Your love for me will never change and I will never be alone.
I love you much!
Friday, June 04, 2010
Thursday, September 10, 2009
Society Rules On; TIPPLES
A lady should never drink alone, unless of course the lady is trying to avoid sharing her fine liqueur chocolates. Then it's more than appropriate to enjoy the night bu one's self. Or the French say,"Par son individu, oh, another chocolate for moi?" Don't mind if I do.
Thursday, August 27, 2009
Today is my off day... I like my schedule for these 2 weeks, because my off days are spread nicely.
Decided to go Australia for HMDP, six weeks with one year of bond. Whenever I think of the bond, I feel that I shouldn't be going again. Confused. Alot of preparation need to be done, so many documents, some more need to go to CID to get International Clearance Letter, health checkup and many more.
After back from my leave, Monday was the day I have the mood to start to work. So messy, everything in the team that I was in is so messy.
Medication problem, drug was supposed to be omitted but no one bother to ask the team Drs to discontinue it, and some people just serve it because they don't know it need to be omitted. Worse of all, now there is a 'FUNCTIONAL NURSE', is it really helpful?
Updating family members on their relatives' condition, shouldn't the team Drs make an effort to do it, especially for those difficult family. But what have all the team Drs been doing! Two cases in less than one week in the same team, same cubicle with the same team Drs.
STO due 4 days ago, no one notice, not even the team Drs. And I have to spent 45 minutes doing the STO when some stitches have already been embedded by the healing skin.
Speechless at work nowadays, where are all the standards and quality of care that I used to see when I started working. Experience kills passion, is it true?
Decided to go Australia for HMDP, six weeks with one year of bond. Whenever I think of the bond, I feel that I shouldn't be going again. Confused. Alot of preparation need to be done, so many documents, some more need to go to CID to get International Clearance Letter, health checkup and many more.
After back from my leave, Monday was the day I have the mood to start to work. So messy, everything in the team that I was in is so messy.
Medication problem, drug was supposed to be omitted but no one bother to ask the team Drs to discontinue it, and some people just serve it because they don't know it need to be omitted. Worse of all, now there is a 'FUNCTIONAL NURSE', is it really helpful?
Updating family members on their relatives' condition, shouldn't the team Drs make an effort to do it, especially for those difficult family. But what have all the team Drs been doing! Two cases in less than one week in the same team, same cubicle with the same team Drs.
STO due 4 days ago, no one notice, not even the team Drs. And I have to spent 45 minutes doing the STO when some stitches have already been embedded by the healing skin.
Speechless at work nowadays, where are all the standards and quality of care that I used to see when I started working. Experience kills passion, is it true?
Saturday, August 22, 2009
Don't Cry...
Nice song!!! The lyrics!
也是你说 不爱我了
也是你又 出现在门口
雪花坠落 碎了一地的天空
那么痛你还走过
也许你想念我
也许你放不开手
我的温柔面对面
我们安安静静吹着风
我只想再看一次
你眼里的海市蜃楼
我爱你
丢掉了会笑的自己
用掉了所有的力气
没有关系
我并不很想听你说 对不起
可是到这里就可以
很高兴我认识过你
不哭了
我要你放心 我已经痊愈
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
Today is the first day I went back to work after 10 days of leave. It was such a busy day, I forgot to bring my handphone to work, I got no time to have a good dinner and I was so hungry, GASTRIC PAIN! Then after I served finish medication, I cleaned my medication trolley, I saw blood! My index finger got injured, got a cut and it was bleeding. Then I put plaster & tegederm, my usual practice. While waiting for my colleague, I removed the plaster & tegederm, my usual practice too, but blood start to flow out. It's only a small cut, but painful & bleed so much, no choice to apply the plaster till now... Urgh! Lousy day...
Tomorrow will be a better day... Because I am on night shift!
Tomorrow will be a better day... Because I am on night shift!
Monday, August 17, 2009
Today is the first time I went to the food court at Tampines One, never had knew that the window seat at the food court bring a nice view too. I think I grow older already, I remembered I off my mp3 when I meet my friend, but on my way to meet my other friends, I realised my mp3 is still on... OMG! Process of aging! Went to Chinatown, we walked from Bugis to Chinatown, thanks to the 2 of you who walk with me. I know is very very far. But I like the bubble tea there...
On our way back, you ask me about the future of my job, when i wanted to become a SSN, is it for me to say... Actually I had never thought of it anymore. I am numb to my job already, I cannot find back the passion that I once have, everyday I go to work I just tell myself that: As long as my patients are okay, I did my best for them, give them the best nursing care, is enought already. Even to further my studies in Masters or not, I am still in a dilema. In the past, I thought of studying till PhD but now, I want to do other things, in other line. At times, I regretted going for advanced diploma, if I don't go for that, I won't be in CGH anymore, won't be doing this job anymore...
On our way back, you ask me about the future of my job, when i wanted to become a SSN, is it for me to say... Actually I had never thought of it anymore. I am numb to my job already, I cannot find back the passion that I once have, everyday I go to work I just tell myself that: As long as my patients are okay, I did my best for them, give them the best nursing care, is enought already. Even to further my studies in Masters or not, I am still in a dilema. In the past, I thought of studying till PhD but now, I want to do other things, in other line. At times, I regretted going for advanced diploma, if I don't go for that, I won't be in CGH anymore, won't be doing this job anymore...
"Elain, your blog is too emo, are you okay?" Lots of close friends have been telling me this since so many months ago. Late at night now and I still can't sleep, listening to "说好的幸福呢" and reading my own entries in my blog. Though I have been putting in alot of entries, I have not spent time reading thru. Browsing thru the entries, alot of images, memories, all came back alive.
I was once a girl, who was a princess in his eyes. Showering me with all the love that I needed. Now I am a girl, who need to be independent. Months have past, I have not learn to be independent yet, because around me I always have my closest friends. Whenever I need someone to be beside, need someone to lie on, need someone to love me, my dearest friends will always be my my side. I am still learning to be independent, learning to stand on my own, but things aren't that easy. I may look strong on the outside but because I cannot stand people who cry in front of me, so I also have learnt not to cry in front of others anymore. Except once, that one and only time I got drunk and cried. There won't be a second time, I must not get hurt again and behave that way again. But deep inside, I know I am so much more easily hurt than anyone else...
I was once a girl, who was a princess in his eyes. Showering me with all the love that I needed. Now I am a girl, who need to be independent. Months have past, I have not learn to be independent yet, because around me I always have my closest friends. Whenever I need someone to be beside, need someone to lie on, need someone to love me, my dearest friends will always be my my side. I am still learning to be independent, learning to stand on my own, but things aren't that easy. I may look strong on the outside but because I cannot stand people who cry in front of me, so I also have learnt not to cry in front of others anymore. Except once, that one and only time I got drunk and cried. There won't be a second time, I must not get hurt again and behave that way again. But deep inside, I know I am so much more easily hurt than anyone else...
Sunday, August 16, 2009
I only manage to sleep at 4am, and now 8.40am I am awake already, my hands and legs are cold. Awaken by the dream of mine, I am crazy, literally I dreamt of you and her. The distance bewteen us have not make me not to remember you but to make me miss you even more. I hate myself for doing all these. I hate myself when it come to nights, I feel so uneasy, I am not suppose to be like this, I am on leave and I must have plenty of rest. However...
YOU RUIN MY LEAVE, MY MOOD, LET ME CANNOT GO TO SLEEP. FOR SO LONG I WANTED TO HAVE A GOOD AND LONG REST, BUT I CAN'T. I AM CONFUSED NOW, YOU ARE MAKING ME CONFUSED, MAKING ME LOST MY MIND. I AM SICK, I FEEL SO HURT, SO MUCH IN PAIN, SO DEEP THAT WORDS CAN NO LONGER DESCRIBE MY UTMOST FEELING ANYMORE!
YOU RUIN MY LEAVE, MY MOOD, LET ME CANNOT GO TO SLEEP. FOR SO LONG I WANTED TO HAVE A GOOD AND LONG REST, BUT I CAN'T. I AM CONFUSED NOW, YOU ARE MAKING ME CONFUSED, MAKING ME LOST MY MIND. I AM SICK, I FEEL SO HURT, SO MUCH IN PAIN, SO DEEP THAT WORDS CAN NO LONGER DESCRIBE MY UTMOST FEELING ANYMORE!
For you...
For my very very close friend,
You told me you were depressed, lost hope and don't wish to talk about it anymore. You cried yesterday, you were sad and heart broken... You said he knows I am unhappy but he doesn't knows you are unhappy. I told you he used the gift you gave to him but you don't feel anything anymore. But two days ago, you told me when he talked to you, you are happy and you started to miss him already.
I know you have feelings for him, not alittle but alot. I am not sure if he knows how you feel about him, but as a friend, a very close friend of yours whom I shared everything with you, I just want to tell you, don't be sad anymore. I am not good in words, not good in consoling people, I can only have a good pair of ears to hear what you want to say. Next thing I can assure you is that, we are just friends, though he may know that I am unhappy but I said before,I will not find someone who is the same occupation as me to be my guy. This is a fact in my life.
Please don't be sad because of him. I can feel and sense you are unhappy and really depressed about it just like when you can feel that I am not myself. If all these stuffs really make you unhappy, just don't remembered it anymore. Learn to be happy ba, I am trying too.
Thousands of loves for you...
You told me you were depressed, lost hope and don't wish to talk about it anymore. You cried yesterday, you were sad and heart broken... You said he knows I am unhappy but he doesn't knows you are unhappy. I told you he used the gift you gave to him but you don't feel anything anymore. But two days ago, you told me when he talked to you, you are happy and you started to miss him already.
I know you have feelings for him, not alittle but alot. I am not sure if he knows how you feel about him, but as a friend, a very close friend of yours whom I shared everything with you, I just want to tell you, don't be sad anymore. I am not good in words, not good in consoling people, I can only have a good pair of ears to hear what you want to say. Next thing I can assure you is that, we are just friends, though he may know that I am unhappy but I said before,I will not find someone who is the same occupation as me to be my guy. This is a fact in my life.
Please don't be sad because of him. I can feel and sense you are unhappy and really depressed about it just like when you can feel that I am not myself. If all these stuffs really make you unhappy, just don't remembered it anymore. Learn to be happy ba, I am trying too.
Thousands of loves for you...
Thursday, August 13, 2009
爱情
爱情的世界应该是什么样的?
幸福的，完美的，梦幻的， 还是互相欺骗，互相隐瞒的?
这八个月, 看多了, 听多了, 自己也认识了多点事, 多点人了...
在这个世界里,
很多人渴望拥有最好的,
但却往往忘了问自己付出了多少...
反而,
伤害了, 欺骗了周围的人,
还一直认为自己是对的...
幸福的，完美的，梦幻的， 还是互相欺骗，互相隐瞒的?
这八个月, 看多了, 听多了, 自己也认识了多点事, 多点人了...
在这个世界里,
很多人渴望拥有最好的,
但却往往忘了问自己付出了多少...
反而,
伤害了, 欺骗了周围的人,
还一直认为自己是对的...
Yesterday, went out with my Neuroscience friends... Listen to them talking about their life and work. Plenty of things flow through my mind. 'You' message me yesterday too, they asked me to reply you, but I didn't...
"It's been already 8 months. Lots of things had happened. For the past 7 years, 12th August is indeed a day that we had never spent alone, no matter how busy I'm with work, with studies or with friends, I will still find time for you. Now that I'm on leave, this leave was booked since last year Dec, it was actually because of yesterday but my love for you no longer exists and it can never be find back, no matter how much you had try and how much i try. I once tell myself, maybe just by looking at those photos, looking at the only video you make when I chose to part, I can find back the feeling, but I can't. By the way, the puzzle, that portion which is not completed, it still remain uncompleted in my room. I am finding time to complete that portion, though is less than 300 pieces, but I am just so lazy to do it, when the day I complete it, will be the day we will both have our perfect and bliss life. Those who know your existence and presence have been telling me, in order to have a perfect and bliss relationship, I can still rely on you, because knowing me is just at your fingertip, I don't need to mention much and you know what I meant but I just cannot spent my life with you anymore. Take care and I believe that you will find your happiness soon."
"It's been already 8 months. Lots of things had happened. For the past 7 years, 12th August is indeed a day that we had never spent alone, no matter how busy I'm with work, with studies or with friends, I will still find time for you. Now that I'm on leave, this leave was booked since last year Dec, it was actually because of yesterday but my love for you no longer exists and it can never be find back, no matter how much you had try and how much i try. I once tell myself, maybe just by looking at those photos, looking at the only video you make when I chose to part, I can find back the feeling, but I can't. By the way, the puzzle, that portion which is not completed, it still remain uncompleted in my room. I am finding time to complete that portion, though is less than 300 pieces, but I am just so lazy to do it, when the day I complete it, will be the day we will both have our perfect and bliss life. Those who know your existence and presence have been telling me, in order to have a perfect and bliss relationship, I can still rely on you, because knowing me is just at your fingertip, I don't need to mention much and you know what I meant but I just cannot spent my life with you anymore. Take care and I believe that you will find your happiness soon."
Monday, August 10, 2009
Thursday, August 06, 2009
Thursday, July 30, 2009
Monday, July 27, 2009
Lost
I am lost, totally lost.
Sitting at one place but staring into the blank, starting to ask myself what am I doing.
Now I don't know how to describe how I feel anymore.
I don't have the energy to be hurt & cry over things already.
Maybe I know,
but I just don't wish to be hurt, and I act as if I don't know.
Maybe I had already liked you so much,
but I am just acting I don't care, because I don't know what you are thinking.
Life is just full of maybes,
and I am no longer sure anymore.
Sitting at one place but staring into the blank, starting to ask myself what am I doing.
Now I don't know how to describe how I feel anymore.
I don't have the energy to be hurt & cry over things already.
Maybe I know,
but I just don't wish to be hurt, and I act as if I don't know.
Maybe I had already liked you so much,
but I am just acting I don't care, because I don't know what you are thinking.
Life is just full of maybes,
and I am no longer sure anymore.
I am eating KINDER BUENO... 2nd bar, 3rd bar, and I am continuing to eat, I have 8 bars of KINDER BUENO to eat, I wanna finish all tonight. I love chocolates, I like chocolates. Though it is fattening but I just love chocolates. White chocolates, milk chocolates, all different types of chocolate except dark chocolates, because it is bitter.
Saturday, July 25, 2009
Love
Love is based upon this moment,
It is neither the past nor the future,
The moment may only last a few seconds,
But the memories of it will last for a lifetime.
Always cherish what you have now,
Do what you want to do,
Say what you want to say,
Treat every moment as it is the last moment.
It is neither the past nor the future,
The moment may only last a few seconds,
But the memories of it will last for a lifetime.
Always cherish what you have now,
Do what you want to do,
Say what you want to say,
Treat every moment as it is the last moment.
Friday, July 17, 2009
我爱你...
我都不曾想过，
那既然是我们俩人最后一次的约会.
我还没机会亲口对你说一声我爱你,
就这样，你远离了我.
如果时间可以回到那一晚,
我心里最想告诉你的就是我爱你...
如果有一天能在遇见你,
我只能对你傻笑.
我已经没话说了,
也不会再挽留你.
我只想说一句,
谢谢你曾经爱过我, 让我拥有过最美好的回忆...
对说有想拥有与渴望爱情的人,
爱情本来就需要百分百的勇敢.
虽然偶尔会悲伤,
但也要鼓起勇气熬过这一切.
因为在爱情里, 爱过与分手后,
是不会对彼此互相埋怨, 只会让彼此留下许多美好的回忆...
那既然是我们俩人最后一次的约会.
我还没机会亲口对你说一声我爱你,
就这样，你远离了我.
如果时间可以回到那一晚,
我心里最想告诉你的就是我爱你...
如果有一天能在遇见你,
我只能对你傻笑.
我已经没话说了,
也不会再挽留你.
我只想说一句,
谢谢你曾经爱过我, 让我拥有过最美好的回忆...
对说有想拥有与渴望爱情的人,
爱情本来就需要百分百的勇敢.
虽然偶尔会悲伤,
但也要鼓起勇气熬过这一切.
因为在爱情里, 爱过与分手后,
是不会对彼此互相埋怨, 只会让彼此留下许多美好的回忆...
Thursday, July 16, 2009
Shopping spree...
Today went shopping with my girlfriend. I love to shop but it seems like I have not shop for a very very long time. Though I had just shopped last week. Sigh... Walked pass many shops today in town, bringing back lots of memories. Both good and bad...
Last week, bought a top, two watches and two pair of shoes. Today, bought a bag and necklace. Nice, I like it... Pink n rainbow color. My favorite. Craving for brownie yesterday, and I ate it today. Unbelievable, ate two brownies at one go. So nice and so yummy. In fact, this week i ate three brownies already. So sinful, how many exercise must I do to shed the weight away?!
Last week, bought a top, two watches and two pair of shoes. Today, bought a bag and necklace. Nice, I like it... Pink n rainbow color. My favorite. Craving for brownie yesterday, and I ate it today. Unbelievable, ate two brownies at one go. So nice and so yummy. In fact, this week i ate three brownies already. So sinful, how many exercise must I do to shed the weight away?!
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
Kiss the rain
I will always love you
I often close my eyes
And I can see you smile
You reach out for my hand
And i can woken from my dream
Although your heart is mine
It's hollow inside
I never had your love and I never will
And every night I lie awake
Thinking maybe you love me
Liked I've always love you
But how can you
Love me like I loved you
When you can't even look me straight in my eyes
I've never felt this way
To be so in love
To have someone there
Yet feel so alone
Aren't you suppose to be
The one to wipe my tears
The one who say that you would never leave
The water is calm and still
My reflection is there
I see you holding me
But then you disappear
All that is left of you is a memory
One that only exists in my dreams
And every night I lie awake
Thinking maybe you love me
Liked I've always love you
But how can you
Love me like I loved you
When you can't even look me straight in my eyes
I don't know what hurt you
But I can feel it too
And it just hurts so much
To know that I can't do a thing
And deep down in my heart
Somehow I just know that
No matter what I will always love you
I often close my eyes
And I can see you smile
You reach out for my hand
And i can woken from my dream
Although your heart is mine
It's hollow inside
I never had your love and I never will
So why am I still here in the rain...
Music by: Yiruma
Lyrics by: Hienie
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